inferno's lair

well i have just gone thru the most dramatic days of my life today and i think i have get my lesson learned. it is not easy to trust anyone when there’s a lot of factor and circumstances that are going to take my trust away from someone. between 2 people that i have know so long, by giving me the diffrent kinda idea on whats going on, which it could be only either one side  telling the truth, or both side is not telling the truth, which i stand at another junction to decide which to believe at. few days ago i was at a junction on making a decision on to be or not to be and now it leads me to make another decision on which side to trust. well think of a good way that i am starting to make a decision of my life but well it is not easy to take sucha move. i have to trust my instinct and not getting sway of my decisions by all these factors after i  made that decisions. "never regret a day in ur life, good one gives you happiness, bad ones gives you experience." so what the heck, it’s a life time experience and when the time i look back in my life, i never miss the show. 🙂 it maybe create topics for ed, tg and dave when they retired and when they think of me. 🙂

 

trust.. is the main factor when it all comes to maintain a love in distance. in another half of earth that she lives from me, we have to trust each others in order for us to move on. if this foundations is not firm, then our loves will go no where but will falling apart, maybe not now, but in the future. i will make sure to build my trust on her, from now and so..

 

what makes i love her so much? well first of all we are the same stubborn kinda, never like to step back when in the arguement, but of course now that she wins most of the time 🙂 we cares for each other when we know each of us is worry abut something, and the most freaky part is, sometimes i just can feel her on what she is doing and i ask her if she was doing that and she’s always say "omg how come u know?"

 

i have never met her nor i have seen her pics until now. well i guess she can be jealous when i have think of someone or something else when i missed her. that’s the weirdest part even myself cant believe this. but well, i can live with it 🙂

 

i am sick, well my hearts burned, some words has strike over my hearts as like the hellfire burning. it hurts. a cut in the sword would heals in a few days time but a cut in the words can only be heal by the one who speaks it or it will forever stays. i am sad. somehow i knew at least there’s someone i m worth caring for and i m vulnerable by getting hurts again. mr anderson says i am someone with not much of feeling well infact i do, but limited to few person only. idk and idc is part of my life for sometimes where it keeps me to stay like a happy man. well i am happy coz i never care much of others feeling, not until recenlt i m vulnarable to a weakpoint, where she is the one i m caring and can strikes my hearts through with her words. when i m a happy man i always keep my happy thoughts but when it comes to caring on someone else, things goes much complicated.

 

i am hereby going to mark my words here on the  28th October 2007 1825 hours:
"I WILL NEVER AND SHALL NOT REMOVE YOU AS MY WEAKPOINT! I WILL HOWEVER, IF ONLY YOU HAVE NO FAITH ON ME!" please don tell me that i never know. it hurts

 

it is painful when loving someone at a diffrent time and a diifrent place. the risk is high and the challenge is like climbing a mount himalayas. well, i am borned with passions, borned with stubborns, borned with iron wills, never ever give up the challenges when it comes to me. "nothing is impossible, it just looked that way", thats my signature of my email, where i never intended to put that as decorations. mount himalayas can be climb, many has proved it, it just don take a day to climb it. "故天将降大任于是人也，必先苦其心志，劳其筋骨，饿其体肤，空乏其身，行拂乱其所为，所以动心忍性，曾益其所不能" – a great chinese proverbs telling that if the god is giving a big assignment to someone, he will pity his heart, tired up energy, starves his body, empty his soul, making his life miserable, thus someone will learrn his awareness from there, and know what he is lacking of. it’s a great challenge for me and i love her. i will never ever give her up just because we are seperated apart.

comminications is the most important to keep up relationship among each others. if one end was shut down, it could be the ends. i am sucha idiot to shut mines up when i was mad yesterday. i am so poor when i trying to control my anger,  the last time i shut my communication was like a year ago, when it happens to me and ed where i believe on someone else words. the second last time was between me and my ex, which it cause a breakup after then. i hope i can be more aware of that when i am mad.

having a horrible business trip ever in my life. it aint that bad it just happen on the bad timing where it delays the time to seek for the answer. in the other hands, having discussion with my boss gaining a lotsa knowledge over something else.  well it’s partial of the answer i seek but oh well.. answer aint come from one sided, at least i need to get my hands dirty to find out the truth… i am so tired until i cant find anything else to write at… oh man.. feeling sick

Hereby i announce that i am in love. to the question of my life, she is the answer. to the problem of my life, she is the solutions. when did it started? well few weeks back i guess and when will it be end? no ones knows and i hope not. well i m posting this just because i promise angus that i will put in something happy on my blog instead of all the bad ones. 🙂 so now my promise fulfilled.

for many times being betrayed by someone i have trusted, am kinda sad. one of the officer just leave the guild. hmm.. i guess i have being so personal on this.

yes i m sick… cant focus to play at all.. i need a breakaway from work god jammit…

something had bugged me recently and my minds are confuse. where i m out of my sanity. it’s like all scatter apart and i need to stay away for somewhere to fix my mind. seeking somewhere that i can be staying away… 😦 offer pls.